Where's Your Happy Place?

I'm a restaurant manager, not a 911 operator ! You know, POS systems, resumes, food & bev, new menu roll-outs, safety inspections, P&L, hiring & firing....

How many times a day must we hear of other peoples' problems?

Do I really need to hear about the busser's family woes, the cook's inability to digest milk products-so-he-was-puking-all-night-and-that's-why-he's-an-hour-late-today, (couldn't possibly be the remnant of the Beer Barn stamp on his right hand), or Gina's latest trist. Ah, yes, rub it in you little tart! I haven't seen my-also-a-restaurant-manager hubby in weeks but you're getting more hits than Amazon at Christmastime! (One day she'll also know the joy of "saggy exhaustion" - then we'll talk.) Sorry to rave on but I really need some time just for myself.

I have been thinking lately of a few creative ways to make my own "happy place" at work:

Bean Bag Chairs - I think I'll replace the nasty old creaky chairs in the office with good ol' cushy bean bag chairs. It may be a little harder to reach the computer keyboard and I may have difficulty reading all those heart-warming messages from corporate but it's a compromise I'm willing to make.

Ear Plugs - I've tried walking around the restaurant with my fingers in my ears singing the, "La, La, La" song but it just seemed too conspicuous. Gina only yanks my hands down, giggles, and proceeds with her report that would embarrass even Dr. Ruth. Yep, ear plugs, my new best friend.

Moon Shoes - I'm a child of the seventies - meaning I grew up in the seventies - not that I'm somebody's Love Child that came about during a weekend of free love and Ripple in the back of a VW Vanagon with a a hairy guy named Sir Dance-a-lot a.k.a. Benny. That was my little cousin. Anyway, growing up in the seventies, we had these great toys called Moon Shoes. They were these contraptions that you strapped over your tennis shoes (Zips, or Keds or those studly canvas racer shoes from Kinney's) and they had these huge, industrial-strength springs which caused you to walk with the coolest bounce - just like the astronauts on the moon. Plus it gives you about a six inch height lift. Just enough to look my 6 ft tall lactose-intolerant cook in the eye when he dazzles me with his tales of misfortune. Wonder if Amazon has them in a size nine.

Sing, Sing a Song - When I'm down, blue, stressed, or just plain ol' ticked off at the world, nothin' beats hummin' a happy little tune. I start with the staples: "Rubber Duckie" by Ernie of Seame Street fame, "I'm Too Sexy (for my shirt..)" or "Oklahoma!" (Showtunes are great aren't they?) Switching to "Feliz Navidad" by Jose' Feliciano I meander through the dining room. I find that by humming loudly, whistling, or, if I dare, actually singing these wonderful melodies they soon get imbedded in the brains of those around me. It seems to be a fun & effective way to curb the desire of others to talk my ears off! "Rubber Duckie you're the one - quack, quack..."

Food Fights - Wouldn't it be great to just haul off and deck a complaining guest? Oh, not with fists of course but with, oh, I dunno, say a big bowl of cold spaghetti? Food fights are fun! Maybe that should be the next concept restaurant. Joe's Crab Shack & the Lonestar Grill have their stop-everything-&-line-dance moments (which by-the-way, I've tried. It's just not as cool when only one person does it.) But how about a stop-everything-and-throw-everything moment? Animal House rules dude! Of course all guests would have to sign some waiver not to sue for dry cleaning costs. And you'd probably have some dork cry because a lobster claw smacked him in the face (wimp!) but all in all I think it'd be a good idea...What'd the busser do with that old plate of squash?..."INCOMING!"

Stupid Quotes - I actually do this now. It's great fun. You should try it. When some poor staffer bends your ear with his or her life story (boo-hoo) look 'em straight in the eye and state profoundly, "When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty!" Straighten up, shoulders back, head held high and walk away, giving them a moment to ponder your absolute brilliance. We have loads of these quotes on the website (Wisdom or Wizdumb). Go find your favorite and start baffling your crew today!

and last but not least,

Margaritas & Chocolate - Oh Honey, need I say more? Someone really should make a Chocolate Margarita, don't you think?

Well, troops, that's all I've got for now. Thanks for letting me rant. Keep your heads down in those trenches and load up your weedeaters, it's gonna be a bumpy night! We're pullin' for ya! Have a great shift & as always, send your best suggestions, worst complaints or most unbelieveable stories to admin@RestaurantManagerRescue.com

Written by Karen Bruce. Brought to you by www.RestaurantManagerRescue.com